How to Talk to Your Teen About Counselling (Without Pushing Them Away)
1. I’m worried about my Teen. How do I start the conversation about Counselling?
Pick a time when you are both typically relaxed and not distracted, it could be whilst on a walk or a drive in the car (preferably NOT the dinner table if siblings are present).
Express your concern to your Teen by using observations as an example – rather than judgements or opinions.
“I’ve noticed that you’re spending a lot of time alone / stressed/ angry / sad, and I really want to help”
Follow on with some of the following suggestions to open the conversation further:
“I’m wondering if you agree with what I have noticed?”
“Do you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, but don’t know who to talk to?”
“I’m concerned about how you are feeling. I want to make sure you have the support you need. Would you like to talk to about it?” (don’t give up if you are turned down initially)
“What’s the hardest thing about being you at the moment?”
An alternative to speaking to them directly is to write them a note expressing your observation and concern and tell them you would really like to support them and talk to them about it if they would like to.
2. How do I emotionally support my Teen?
Listen to their concerns without interrupting (even if you don’t agree with what they are saying).
Sit with them and hear their experience with just understanding.
Check in with them on your understanding. If something doesn’t make sense, seek clarification.
Give your Teen the space they need to tell you their experience/perspective without blame, judgement, or argument.
When you give your Teen space to share their experience, they feel heard, and this validates their experience. This positive interaction between you and your Teen encourages trust and that it is ok to talk to you.
Its ok to not know what to say or have all the answers.
Its ok to sit with silence
1. Ensure you regularly check in with your Teen.
I love you and care about you. I’d like to talk to you more often about how you are feeling. What are some of the ways we could do that, which would help you feel comfortable?
How can I help/encourage you going forward?
2. Resistance to Counselling
Teens can be resistant to the idea of getting some support from a Counsellor – mainly because they have some of the following perceptions:
I don’t want to talk to a stranger about my life.
I don’t want to sit in there alone with someone I don’t know.
What if I don’t want to answer all of the Counsellors questions?
I don’t want to be told what to do.
I’m not crazy – why should I go to Counselling?
What if other people find out?
What if I don’t like my Counsellor?
What if the Counsellor tells everybody what I’ve told them?
These perceptions could be addressed with the following suggested responses:
I don’t want to talk to a stranger about my life.
Well, that’s perfectly normal to feel that way. Talking to a Counsellor needs to be your choice. They are there so you can say all the things that you might not want to talk to me or your friends about. If you did go, what would you most like to get out of it?
I don’t want to sit in there alone with someone I don’t know.
How would you feel if I went with you for the first session? I would be happy to come in for support. I could also go outside at any time to give you some privacy, if that’s what you would like. After the session you can decide if you like the Counsellor and whether you feel Counselling is for you. What do you think?
What if I don’t want to answer all of the Counsellor’s questions?
You don’t have to tell the Counsellor anything you don’t want to. You can talk about whatever you want with the Counsellor. Any questions they ask would be in relation to what your challenges or concerns are, and what your goals are. If you feel their questions are making you uncomfortable, you need to tell them or let me know.
I don’t want to be told what to do.
A Counsellor is not allowed to tell you what to do. Their role is to listen, get an understanding of your challenges, concerns and preferred future/goals and support you to achieve that by teaching you various coping strategies. If you want their opinion on something, you need to ask for that.
I’m not crazy – why should I go to Counselling?
Counselling is for everyone. You do not have to be a certain person with a certain issue to go to Counselling. It can help with a variety of challenges. It’s a place to talk openly, work through ideas, set goals and learn different tools. Counselling can give you a better understanding of your struggles and why you feel the way you do.
What if I don’t like my Counsellor?
It is important you feel comfortable with your Counsellor. If you feel like your Counsellor is not the right fit for you – that’s ok. I will help you find someone else to talk to. How does that sound?
What if the Counsellor tells everybody what I’ve told her?
The Counsellor must keep everything you tell them private. They are not allowed to share that with anyone – even your parents otherwise they could get in a lot of trouble. There are times when the Counsellor does need to share what you have said to others. I have a brochure here that talks about privacy rules that I can show you – another word is for privacy is Confidentiality. The Counsellor also needs to discuss this with you, and you need to agree to the privacy rules before Counselling can start.
1. Your Teen has agreed to Counselling – what next?
Involve your Teen as much as you can with the decision making and logistics:
Finding/selecting and booking a Counsellor
Time/day of appointment
Arranging transportation to and from appointments.
Note: It’s quite possible your Teen may want to leave all the logistics up to the Parent to sort out – however its best to talk this through with your Teen first to ensure they feel involved in the process.
Keep checking in with your Teen after each counselling session to see how they are going and if they are happy to continue with Counselling. They may not wish to share what they talked about, however just asking how they are reaffirms to them you are interested and that you care.
2. Respect Privacy
A Teen can put their walls up very quickly if they are feeling vulnerable, or their trust has been broken, which may result in them shutting you out and withdrawing. It is important to respect your Teens privacy regarding their Counselling sessions. I highly recommend that you leave it up to your Teen to decide what they want to share and who they want to share it with.
3. Suicide
Some warning signs you Teen might be thinking about suicide are:
Using language such as “I won’t be a problem for much longer” or “I’m going to kill myself”
Showing signs of self-destructive behaviour. Self-destructive behaviour looks different in everyone. Some self-destructive behaviours result in physical harm, and others cause more subtle psychological damage.
Here are some examples of self-destructive behaviour:
Excessive or dangerous use of alcohol and drugs
Binge eating or intentionally undereating
Reckless driving
Risky sexual behaviour
Self-injury, such as cutting or burning yourself
Being confrontational with others
Neglecting medical care when sick or hurt’
Consistent negative self-talk
Giving away personal items for no logical reason.
If you think your Teen might be thinking about suicide, have a conversation with them about your concern straight away. Use direct questioning such as the following:
Have you considered suicide?
If so, have you thought about how you would do it?
When was the last time you thought about suicide?
Talking about suicide does not encourage the likelihood of self-harm or suicide to occur.
1. Emergency Contacts
If you are faced with an emergency, please contact the appropriate emergency service. In a life-threatening situation, call 000 without delay.
Ambulance / Police
Emergency or life threatening situation
Telephone: 000
Mental Health Triage Services (SA)
is the main point of access to state funded mental health services.
can provide advice and information in a mental health emergency or crisis situation.
is staffed by mental health clinicians.
will assess and refer to acute response teams where appropriate.
Telephone: 131 465
The SA Health Mental Health Triage Service operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Lifeline
Short-term support for people who are feeling overwhelmed or having difficulty coping or staying safe.
confidential one-to-one support with a trained Lifeline telephone crisis supporter.
Telephone: 13 1114
24hr support
Text and Online Chat available
